Best Man

No best man is complete without his contingency management training! The number of things that can go wrong on a wedding day is more than can be counted on his fingers and as the chosen one, the best man, knowing how to deal with emergencies is a big part of his job description! While experience is indeed the best teacher, for those with little to none, a few greatest wedding scenes of all time should be sufficient example! In no specific order, these are the five best wedding scenes for a best man to watch in preparation of the big day!

The first, and perhaps most watched wedding scene by best men and women of all ages the world over, is a little excerpt from the nineties television sitcom, Friends. The most famous Friends scene by far is where Ross is at the altar for the second time, in England no less, and the priest asks him to repeat, ‘I take thee Emily to be my wedded wife…’ which, to everybody’s horror, he releases as ‘I take thee Rachel to be my wedded wife…’, Rachel being his ex-girlfriend who had just arrived to the wedding mid-ceremony. A very humorously, albeit badly handled situation, the best man provided little more than inappropriate joking and pre-occupation with the groom’s sister. This scene, as dramatic as it was, is actually quite plausible although the events surrounding it may be different. The best man needs to have the groom’s back in case of any nervous slip ups! Perhaps more important than the best man speech is the pre-wedding pep talk the best man must deliver to take care of the groom’s cold feet, get his game face on and keep him alert and comfortable. The best man is basically carrying the wedding on his shoulders and it is his responsibility to make sure it goes smoothly. Making sure the groom says the right name is only a fraction of the responsibilities of the best man!

Another favourite from the chick-flick wedding genre is the fourth wedding scene in Runaway Bride – the classic movie from which to learn a thing or two about contingency planning! The entire premise of the movie is this woman’s notoriety for running out on her grooms on their wedding day, having stalled her discovery that she doesn’t really love them till they’re standing at the altar about to say their vows. The movie begins with three failed weddings in her past. She falls in love with the enraging journalist she met when he came to town to find material for a second malicious article to write about her and, of course, they’re getting married. This time it’s different. This time she’s really in love. Yet somehow, she still manages to sustain her reputation and runs out on the groom.

Now this guy wrote two articles on her so he knew what he might be facing! He had all the natural exit routes sealed, but one-the secret one- that would allude all save for an escape artist such as our bride. Where was the best man in all of this? He made no move to prevent any of this fiasco. That was a movie. In life, the best man is presumably well acquainted with the couple to be married so he would know what makes them tick. This would certainly aid him in warming those cold feet when he sees them coming so that these last minute flake-outs don’t occur- not under his watch! The best man is usually a brother, a brother in law, or a brother-like best friend of the groom, but little does he realize that he’s actually the big brother of the entire wedding. He needs to be on the ball, all-knowing and omnipresent.

If that was too dramatic a scene, here is one that is softer yet still some how equally horrible. In action is the epic wedding of the Scottish duke and his not as fancy American fiancé whom he met only a few weeks in advance of the big day. Whoever knew that she would run off with her maid of honour and leave the duke stranded at the altar? Well, the best man should have! Where was that guy when the bride’s straight male best friend since college whom she was only recently deeply in love with flew to a wedding across the Atlantic to Scotland, to be lurched into being maid of honour by the insistent bride? It is the best man’s job to convince the groom to discourage the invitation of any exes or potential threats to the wedding!

The best man’s job does not begin on the wedding day, but months before! One important detail that the best man must take care of is the groom’s tuxedo. Picking up the tux is essential but even more essential is making sure that the groom has one! A much publicized wedding, one that was shown on television, was Kurt Cobain’s wedding to Courtney Love. They were famous but the real reason their wedding was depicted in several talk shows and documentary movies was because the groom, Cobain, stood at the altar in his pyjamas from the night before while his beautiful bride approached him in her white wedding dress at the Hawaiian seashore. A good best man would never let his groom disrespect his fiancé and their special day because the groom was too lazy to wear a pair of trousers! There’s a contingency that definitely needs a little planning! What is even more tragic is that his best friend did not even attend the nuptials- bad best man, bad!

Last but not least is the scene from Monsters vs. Aliens. It is the best man’s job to make his best friend’s wedding day the best day in his life and part of that would be to make sure that the bride doesn’t get hit by a meteor from space that exposes her to radioactive substances and turns her instantly into a glowing giant- talk about a bridezilla!

While all these events may scare the fun and pride out of being a best man but the truth is, it usually isn’t this hard or complicated. The most important thing is to be supportive of the groom and look out for his best interests and such situations are unlikely to arise. Show your buddy that he chose his best man wisely!

If you have been a best man in the past, you wish you had read this before you stood up there with a glass of champagne and joked about how you dated your mate’s new mate in high school. Better luck next time (If there is a next time, after that horrendous fiasco you initiated!) This time you won’t have to worry one bit because we have you covered! Spotted: a conclusive website on advice for writing a best man speech – Does it hold up? Find out.

The honour of being bestowed with the best man title is a great privilege for the groom’s closest friend. Out of respect for the groom, it is only fair that such privilege is returned two-fold if not ten-fold! The best man speech is perhaps the most essential and personal way to show your best friend how much you love him and how wisely he has chosen you as best man. A dependable best man puts careful thought into writing his speech because it not only reflects upon him, it also reflects upon the groom who needs to be able to depend on you to support him on this most special day of his life. As daunting as writing an epic speech for your buddy may seem, remember that you are loved, trusted and that some great times have passed and this is a good opportunity for you to reflect upon them.

Every best man speech needs an ice breaker. Nobody knows the best man, say something startling and introduce yourself, man! Here is a good, sharp, ‘laddish’ line to break the ice with ‘They say that the best man’s speech is the groom’s worst five minutes of the day. The bride’s worst five minutes of the day, however, come later on tonight’. If you are a lad, please do not open with this line, or for that matter mention it at all, ever so long as you remain a lad! It is awkward and the bride’s parents will turn nauseous despite the fake chuckling, or perhaps because of it. Many a best man has fallen into this pit of nervous, unoriginal humour that does little more than raise eyebrows and widen grimaces- do not be a mere statistic!

Here’s an introduction line suggested to be suitable best man material and a world favourite crash and burn: ‘As you all know by now, I’m [insert name], the best man to the handsome groom on my left!’ Innocent enough right? Nope. Why would you assume that everybody knows you just because you were the guy running around acting busy when the wedding planner was better dressed and worse stressed than you in your designer tuxedo? Are you famous? If you are famous, then definitely go with this line! The famous person, this line does wonders for because it makes them sound ‘humble’. The wise-ass it turns into an absolute donkey! Also the handsomeness of the groom comment is best left to those who are not his best friends- awkward…!

Another common tactic for the opening sentence of a speech is for the best man to quote from a movie or a book or an author. While this can often add some class, erudition and wit to a best man speech, it all depends on the quote that is used. Shakespeare is such a typical rip-off that it not only makes a speech cheesy, it also makes people stop listening because they know that you don’t read Shakespeare on a daily basis so they expect the speech to tank by the end. Even when choosing a line from a less known author, such as Stephen Leacock, it may be wise to apply some forethought in case this is what you come up with: ‘Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl’. Now unless you can placate the atrocity of having used such a discouraging line to open for your groom, such a line makes not a ‘best’ man, in fact quite the opposite. Observe caution, friend!

One subject that is definitely off-limits is ex-girlfriends. This certainly will not go down well with the bride, her family and certainly the groom! On a joyous occasion as is a wedding, it is both disrespectful and unpleasant to expose old scars and current wounds. Even the groom’s bad habits and major quirks should be kept strictly under wraps if you want to remain the best man in his life even after the wedding. Besides, nobody will laugh at a cheap shot and the best man will just end up looking embarrassingly foolish.

On that note, no best man speech must be made under the influence of anything but love and joy! Alcohol is a best man’s worst enemy and the groom will likely be displeased with his choice of best man. Also to consider is that nobody can understand a slurred speech and passing out in front of a crowd is only polite and respectable at a heavy metal rock concert around a Woodstock ’69 anniversary. A smart guy stays dry!

Another common pitfall is the rambling, lengthy speech, fit only for the groom’s ninety year old grand-uncle. A good speech last no less than two and no longer than five minutes which is a good time frame for the best man to articulate some beautiful thoughts and moments in a concise and interesting way, speak the necessary heartfelt words and end with a toast before he loses control of the general and gets into the personal.

The best assessment of how appropriate a speech is can be performed with a ‘Grandmother Test’. If you cannot say it to your grandmother, you cannot say it to the wedding guests. Easy, peasy right? It is a matter of pride for the best man to be given the opportunity to speak for the groom, his best friend, and one that must be revered as a blessing. The best man would be wise not to take it for granted and be serious about his duties. After all, a memorable best man speech blends in with a memorable wedding rather than stands out!

One of many ushers carefully selected by the groom, the best man is the top pick, the leader of the troop, and the best man in the groom’s life. Not just a glorified lackey, the best man is allotted a wide range of duties that go toward the sculpture of a perfect, smoothly executed wedding. While he may be considered the male counterpart to the bride’s maid of honour, as adorable as it looks in the wedding photos and Hollywood movies, his job is hardly limited to romancing the maid of honour. What he needs to be doing is what we shall find out very soon.

How many weddings have we attended where the best man’s role seems to go nowhere beyond standing next to the groom, greeting the guests and giving a champagne slurred speech at the dinner table festivities? The answer is, very few! We must not permit the movie industry to propagate such stereotypes for men so under appreciated by the wedding attendees and judged only by the best man speech and stag party! The role of the best man transcends many cultures and is incredibly diverse depending on which culture the wedding adheres by.

The conventional best man has an array of responsibilities typical to his rank in the wedding party. It all begins with the groom’s proposal, the first concern being how to organize the stag party, what varieties of alcohol to provide, what exotic entertainer to appoint, any thoughts of weddings and churches conveniently suppressed from memory! A male assistant to the groom, the best man’s job actually begins at the planning stage of this wedding. He helps the groom bag the venue, priest and eventually, the bride!

Helping the groom pick out a suit for the wedding might be quite a drag, what with the multitudes of options and designs to choose from but we’re at a point in the world’s timeline where we’re covered for such nitty-gritty details. One of many very popular reads of the times that is useful to both the groom and the best man is The Best Man Bible which is an e-book that can be found online and has helped millions of readers plan their perfect wedding.

Valet and hand-holder all in one, the best man is basically the groom’s peon till D-day! The best man must help send out invitations and even help pack for the honeymoon! Coordinating the groomsmen and their outfits with those of the groom, accommodating those coming from out of town, and organizing the details of all parties is also part of a best man’s repertoire.

The rehearsal dinner, as the name suggests, is a good chance for the bride and groom to practice their walk down the aisle, and also a good time for the groom to take a good look at the proceedings and perfect them where needed. This is also a good time for the best man to establish his own place in the wedding party and practice his duties for the final day.

On D-day, the best man must not only man the altar, but also the ring. The best man must guard the ring with his life – he is literally the lord of the rings at this point and his job must be done with the commitment of Frodo Baggins himself! What is shinier than the bride’s ring is the slew of wedding gifts that the couple will receive for which the best man must prepare his troop of ushers to neatly set aside and perhaps pass on to one of the parents of the couple getting hitched so they can deliver them safely to the couple after their honeymoon.

A very serious and honourable responsibility of the best man is his role as witness to the marriage whereby he must sign the marriage license to make the union legally official. After the wedding ceremony, the groom’s duty to hand the minister his fees is generally carried out by the best man in a discreet, efficient manner like other payment duties. If you are the best man, breath – the bride and groom will be bearing all the expenses! The best man and, his female counterpart, the maid of honour, are basically the ones that hold the wedding together so they bear equal importance to the bride and groom themselves!

To add some nerves to the seriousness, the best man must be fully prepared with a grand toast at the dinner table. For the best man, this may be the most nerve-wracking three minutes of his life, including his own wedding day! The best advice for a tongue twisted lay writer that lacks a way with words is to write from the heart, share some interesting and relevant anecdotes about the couple and express his best wishes. While jokes might be a tempting addition to a good speech, if the best man isn’t as funny as he thinks, his comedy skills might turn his beautiful toast into an epic fail, which could turn very awkward for everybody! The good news is that there are many books out there in stores and online that serve as guides for best men and grooms to help them write their speeches. If little else works, a few dialogues from any soap opera wedding scene coupled with some relevant quips from Desperate Housewives will give you just the heart your toast needs!

The fun begins when the wedding begins as the best man must dance his way from the bride to the maid of honour, to little children and guests sitting alone, making sure that everybody has a good time. He must wind his way through the seated guests to greet them, see if they need anything, ask them to come on to the dance floor and engage in general pleasantries.

Amidst all the boisterous frolicking, it may be wise for the best man to stay sober and not drink more than a few sips of the customary champagne. Some best men are handed the responsibility of chauffeur to drive the couple to their wedding-night hotel through the breathtaking sunset. This will be a much more romantic experience for the newlywed couple if the chauffeur keeps his portion of bubbly to the minimum so he can drive safe.

All in all, the best man is the busiest bee at the garden altar! Not a task to take lightly, being asked to accept the role of best man in sharing with your best friend the happiest day of his life is an honour you both will cherish for time immemorial. The best man sees the strengthening of not one but two relationships as the honour of best man bestowed upon him gives him the chance to show his best friend how much he cares for his happiness. The best man makes his friends’ wedding day as happy as he would dream for his own. A best man is a best friend, a support system, a leader and a gatherer of souls, but if he’s as lucky as the 65% of best men that participated in one Great Britain survey he might find a union of his own on the occasion of his best friend’s wedding!